I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
