he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize