Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
