What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunk is not a location!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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