my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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