just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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