I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
