My liver just broke up with me...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
