do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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