Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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