I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
where am i from again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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