i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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