I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
