so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's always time for handjobs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
