Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
