You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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