im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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