Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
