That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
