i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
