I puked a lego.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's just like the Real World with babies
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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