i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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