I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
