You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
