if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
look no pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
