last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
