A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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