wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
