You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
