saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize