i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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