Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
