He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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