it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize