What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
