On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
