I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do vagina's smell?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
