Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
