Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
