I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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