The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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