i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
