I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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