Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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