Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
