Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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