Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize