i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
