party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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