OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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