I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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