so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Alive.
So much puke
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
