so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
