Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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