I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My liver is preforming stress tests.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize