and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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