grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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