for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
