you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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