so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
