I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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