So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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