What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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