You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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