I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
