Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize