So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
