I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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